"I WANT TO BE HER"

   That's what i always hear from people. Some of them wishes to be me, but oh c'mon! If you get into my position and see life in my own perspective, you surely wouldn't want to be me. I see life as very complicated. Mine is falling apart, I've got my own set of problems and i face a lot of challenges in my life. But i'm used to this kind of pain anyways. I've learned to go with the flow. I've learned to play life's games. It's making me crazy, though, because it's hard to put on the proper smile. There are times that the problem is too big that faking a smile is the least and hardest thing i could do..
   In this kind of life i live, i realized that not all people would stay, some of them would leave, and others just don't care .. i feel alone, like an outcast in the family. I feel like no one would stay by me until the end, like no one could understand me anymore. But then I've got these friends of mine. They're the ones whom i share my secrets with. They make me happy - or rather make me smile & laugh. And with that, i realized that God is still good to me. Now, i don't feel happy, though i don't feel sad, it's just a neutral feeling, just a plain one, emotionless maybe? But i know, I'm sure, that I am blessed and that's enough reason for me to be grateful for my life. It's enough reason for me to smile even though i'm hurting deep inside.