What happened to us?

   No communication. Kahit tawag o text man lang wala akong natanggap. Kahit isang mention lang sa twitter wala. Kahit isang PM lang sa Facebook… wala talaga eh. Ayaw talaga nyang magparamdam..
   Paulit-ulit na lang na ganito. Itetext ko sya pero di naman nagrereply. Pinatatamaan ko sya sa mga gm at status ko pero no reaction parin. In-unfriend ko nga sya facebook eh. Kasi angsakit! Alam mo yung feeling na makita ang mga pictures nya together with his friend.. angsakit. Tangina. Di ko mapigilan ang selos.
   Minsan naiisip ko, mahal ba talaga nya ako? Pano kung laro laro lang pala ang lahat na to para sa kanya? Pano kung isang araw sabihin nya na lang bigla “Ayy sinabi ko ba talagang mahal kita? Joke lang yun noh, naniwala ka naman.” Pota. Pag nangyari yun, ewan ko lang. May mapapatay ako. hahaha. Dejokelang. Bahala sya noh. Hindi lang naman sya ang lalaki sa mundo. Andami pang nakapila. Pero kasi.. sa kanila, sya lang ang gusto ko. Sya lang ang minahal ko ng ganito..
   Minsan, gusto ko na sanang sumuko. Kaso di ko alam kung alin ang tamang gagawin. Anghirap kasi. Urggh! Bakit ba naman kasi siya nagbago??? Angsweet nya noon eh. Lalo na nung di pa kami. He never failed to make me smile. Pero ngayon? Ewan. Nagmumukha akong tanga, umaasa parin sa kanya. 
   Pero siguro nga hindi naman talaga sya nagbago. Baka nga nag expect lang talaga ako nang masyado. Pero hindi naman masamang masaktan diba? Hindi nya ako pinapansin eh. Sa tingin mo dapat ikasaya ko yun?! Bilang babae, ayoko ng relasyong masyadong PDA, pero at least man lang sana hindi sya mahiyang ipakita ako sa ibang mga tao. Sana hindi sya mahiyang sabihin na ako ang girlfriend niya. Kung mahal nya talaga ako, ipaglaban nya ako. Hindi yung ganito. Nakaka’BV lang tong relasyong to eh!~

;]

   She's a dreamer, a hopeless romantic, a reality-escapist. She believes in fairytales. She believes that someday she would have her own lovestory, a story unlike Cinderella's or Snow White's. A story with its own happy ending. She believes that there's a guy who's right for her, someone who would love her despite the fact that she's imperfect, someone who would accept her flaws.. She believes in shooting stars and 11:11 wishes. She's just an ordinary girl existing in this big complicated world, wishing and hoping for a little happiness in her life, craving for that love that she never felt, thirsting for care from the person she loves so much but no assurance if he loves her back. She's not expecting a perfect life. she just wants a life which is simple yet happy, together with that guy. <3

Rawr :((

Oh God ><
Im starting to lose hope ! Im starting to lose every ounce of faith i have in You ..
Shit this feeling. Fvck :((

i miss you ..

  it's still 1:45 AM, and here i am writing again ... i just woke up, awaken from a dream.. i dreamt of you, again. Dreamt of that scene that i only see in movies, that scene that only lives in my imagination, that scene which is a pure fiction. Oh i know, this is just my illusion, a big illusion !

   Why can't i move on ? why can't i go away from the midst of this bizzare delusion ? It's like i was trapped with the thought of you .. every detail of you, seems like i memorized it on my mind .. the aroma and scent of your perfume .. your charming eyes that shows more beauty when you smile.. your lips that seem to be perfect whenever you smile .. and everything that makes up your face that seems to hypnotize me .. i was mesmerized by you, to the point that i could stare all day long at your picture...

  i miss you. everything of you. and i miss the "old me". That me when i was with you.. the way it felt whenever i see you. the way my heart flutter whenever you go near me. the way i smile and blush unconsciously. Now, the happiness and joyous feelings were all gone, like a balloon blown away by the wind. all that is left is agony because i know that you can never be mine. but i still have that little hope. that hope that someday you will be, that someday i can find myself in your arms. and if that happens, I swear I'll scream and tell the world that fairytales do come true! i hope so ...

#iLoveYou.YouKnowWhoYouAre :))

=_=

   Do I really matter? That's what I always ask to myself whenever I find a time to be alone on my own. Every night before I go to sleep, I keep on contemplating my thoughts, asking myself if am I important to anyone else, but end up crying because the answer is too painful to bear.
   I'm just a burden to my family. I'm the black sheep bringing problems and misfortune to my parents. I feel like an outcast, like I don't belong. It seems like I'm just invisible to their eyes.
  Sometimes I feel like I want to be sick just for them to notice me. But I think they still won't care. Im just nothing, right? I'm just a great "mistake" born in this world, and it's better if I leave this fucking place. Nobody cares anyways.
Im just an ordinary child, craving for a little affection and love. :|

im .. SAD . and nobody KNOWS, and nobody CARES.

These depressing thoughts are just killing me, draining me mentally and hurting me emotionally. My mind is full of questions still waiting for their "convincing" answers. The answers are just a matter of a Yes or a No. and though I know the right thing to do, I still choose to do the wrong one, hoping that I would find the happiness that I've been longing for. I still believe on the lies, because the truth just hurts me. I'm just living in lies, believing in my own fantasy even though I already know it's impossible.. still chasing my dreams that will never come true...


..im uninspired. i don't know how to write, or maybe I just don't know what to write. Seems like the thought of everything that I write are just the same-- that im sad, uninspired, and any of that content. Im stricken with monotone emotions. And in the shrouded midst of unstable emotions, I still miss you; you and you only. URGGH. >.< i want to forget you, but in everything that I do, I still find myself thinking of you again. :(((


#PagMoveOnNaLageBuh!!!!DiNangPirminteNalangKaDepressedTungodNiya. :|

Eh kasi naman eh !!

i want to forget you! </3

hangover ba ? haha lol :)
hindi ako uminom noh! picture lang eh. :))

#Unfriend nalang arun makalimtan </3

Random.

I haven't seen you for so long. and you know what, i miss you. and i hate it 'cause i know i shouldn't be feeling this way. I should not be in love with you 'cause I know you can never reciprocate my love. Since that day that you didnt talk to me anymore, i felt empty inside. i felt incomplete. i felt like there's something missing in my life. And I've lost something so important. I lost that genuine smile of mine. That smile that showed "real happiness".. for now all i can do is to fake a smile and hide the sadness that i feel inside.