with Caroline :)

Parehas kaming vain eh! Haha joke :))

:(

Binasa ko ang mga old messages ko.. hanggang sa napunta ako dito..
December 8, 2010 ito nangyari..




[Eron Relevo Carungay]
9:14pm
uie maot

[You]
9:14pm
gwapuha nimo aeron uie

[Eron Relevo Carungay]
9:14pm
tnx.

[You]

9:14pm
2o sad ka? wew

[Eron Relevo Carungay]
9:15pm
ay ikaw diay ako ka chat abi nako c silip maniac!
maau rabag guapa ka!
wala na ibog c jairus nimu!

[You]

9:15pm
ay wa ko nag ingon
unya nangutana kO? wa mn sad ko naibog nya!

[Eron Relevo Carungay]
9:16pm
2o kag ganahn c t*****t nimu1
!
in ur dreams
storyaheee@!

[You]
9:16pm
same 2 u

[Eron Relevo Carungay]
9:16pm
walay sun dugay philscie baya ka...

[You]
9:16pm
at least katiGo ko! duf!
duh!

[Eron Relevo Carungay]
9:17pm
mao na imu gi pang hambog?
bantay ka ni jairus

[You]
9:17pm
nanghambog ko?
palaban kang jairus?

[Eron Relevo Carungay]
9:18pm
nag himu na mi ug anti ivy baliad!
haha!

[You]
9:18pm
i dont care
if magpinana mo, it just means that you are really immature

[Eron Relevo Carungay]
9:19pm
magpinana unsa na?
mao nang philscie?
sus!
hambogira!


[You]
9:19pm
hambogira?
wats dat?
wa kay common sense?


[Eron Relevo Carungay]
9:19pm
grabi nimu wala ka kaybaw unsay hambogira>
bogo kaman!

[You]
9:20pm
well CS nlng gud
can u enumerate schools that teaches to speak dialect?

Eron is offline.

Alam mo yung.. nakakainis langs.. Naalala ko kung gano ako nasaktan noon. Dahil palagi akong binubully ng mga classmates  namin. Palagi akong umiiyak mag-isa sa kwarto ko. Mas naging emotional ako. At andami kong insecurities noon. Parang di ko feel na worthy ako. di ko feel na may nagmamahal sakin. Parang ewan ang buhay ko noon. 

Pero past is past. Kalimutan na lang natin. Medyo nagchange na rin naman ang boys eh. at tsaka mas nakagain ako ng respect from the boys. 

what almost destroyed me yesterday . . makes me stronger and happier today . . :))

#personal

opinion/

From a quote: 
“If one day you realize I haven't talked to you in a while, it's not that I don't care, it's because you pushed me away and left me there.”


Actually, if you really love me, you can not dare to leave me. Ni hindi mo matitiis na hindi ako makita. pero kung kaya mo akong tiisin, isa lang ibig sabihin nyan. Hindi mo talaga ako minahal. Baka "may feelings" lang, pero hindi "love". :))
At kaya ka pinu-push away ng isang tao, ay para malaman niya kung hanggang saan mo sya kayang ipaglaban. It is a test kung mahal mo ba talaga siya. :)))




/eh kasi tinamaan ako eh. Haha. Lagi ko kasing pinu-push away si "toot", dahil gusto kong iprove if love nya talaga ako. I hope hindi sya susuko. Darating din ang right time magiging kami.. :)) HAHA. oa ko! :P

What i really feel..

i choose to hide my feelings to myself,
like a book left unread in a shelf,
i feel useless and nobody cares,
so insecure and scared to people's stares.

Do you know how it feels like,
to feel that there's nothing right in my life,
random thoughts are spilling on my head now,
remembering your promises and vows.

you told me that you love me,
is it real or just a fancy?
am i going to believe on your love?
or should i wait until you effort enough?

i cant sleep because of you,
i keep on imagining about us two,
its driving me insane,
asking myself if you really felt the same.

PAGOD NA KONG UMASA! :(

Parang gusto kong umabsent sa Valentines program.. :/
Ayoko syang makita!!! :(

January 27

i feel pathetic,
i feel weak,
i feel like falling
im just lovesick..

you used to be my inspiration,
but you turned out to be the opposite,
thought my life would be happy,
but thew more you complicated it.

sick of trying,
tired of everything,
am i just an option to you?
just a second choice? just nothing?

im not begging you to love me,
but at least dont hurt me,
i won't expect you to feel the same,
but please be true to what you say.

Dont tell me you love me,
if you really dont,
dont tell me you will stay,
if you really wont.

Just when i thought i've already moved on,
you showed up.
just when i thought im over you,
the feelings came rushing back.

Why did i have to fall inlove with you?
its just hurting me so bad.
maybe i should forget you,
but i cant stop myself to remember the memories we had.

you're a big part of me,
someone so special in my heart.
but please dont break it,
please dont leave me torn apart.

Kinikilig pa rin ako ng dahil sa kanya, kahit alam kong puro BIRO lang ang sinasabi niya.
*ano daw meron sa "24"? .. di ko rin alam. basta lucky number ko kasi yun!! Duh! Haha..
wag kasi maging tsismosa!! :PP

hate this feeling.. :(

They think that i am happy,
seeing me smile and laugh,
they're unaware that i feel lonely,
i feel like im not enough.

Sometimes i feel,
like no one understands me anymore,
the scars in my heart still haven't healed,
im left alone uncertain and unsure.

They tell me to stay strong,
but if they could just see in my perspective,
they would realize that everything's wrong,
in this kind of life i live.

im tired of living up to people's expectation,
think im just nothing,
i am only an option,
never would be someone's everything.

the smile that i wear everyday,
is only a mirage to fool others,
for them to think that i am happy,
but the truth is, im not really.

some things are hurting me,
draining me physically and mentally,
something's bothering me lately,
ending me up crying silently.

i really dont know if im worthy,
or am i only a sort of trashy?
someone that can be dumped anytime,
can be thrown away when you changed your mind.

i feel devastated and incomplete,
seems like my world is breaking underneath my feet,
im just a kid searching for genuine happiness,
i need someone to love me so intense.

Her emotions..

She lays in bed at night,
with her teddy bear on her side,
every night she hugs it tight,
as she cries the emotions she feel inside.

She's still contemplating her thoughts,
though its already 2 o clock in the dawn,
the pain she feels is like a knife that cuts,
deeper and deeper through an already open wound.

Around her family and peers,
she puts on a smile on her face,
She tries to stop the tears,
she's been doing so for many days.

But behind close doors,
she's an emotional wreck,
can not stop the tears that pours,
neither can she put on that smile that she fake.

She wants to break loose from this pain,
but she dont quite know how,
these thoughts are turning her insane,
all she needs is to be alone right now.

She stands there watching with tears in her eyes,
as her world slowly begins to crumble beneath her feet.
facing the mirror she wear a smile as disguise,
not to show others that she feels shit.

She wishes things could've turned out differently,
not like what it is now,
she feels lost and empty,
wanting to be happy but dont know how.

In the morning nothing had changed,
she still wear that fake smile,
the people around doesnt know its just a mirage,
theyre unaware that she cries once in a while.

Theyre oblivious to the pain she feel inside,
doesnt know that she's hurt,
this is her life,
still figuring out whats her worth.

Barkada ko.. PART 2 :P

L-R: Abigaile, Carmela, Florie, Caroline, Mikah, ako, Analine..

• Abigaile-- sya ang pinakaNANING (peace!) at "pinakadalaga na".. Hindi na yan katulad sa amin na naglalaro pa.. Haha :)
• Carmela- sya ang pinakaprangka ! sya ang nagtatanggol sa amin pag merong nambubully.. Lalo na ako kasi palagi akong binubully ng isang classmate namin.. (secret na lang kung sino.. lol)
• Florie-- sya ang nagkaboyfriend na ng napakarami! Haha.. 15 na ata naging bf nya? haha..
• Caroline-- sya ang pinakamaganda. hehe.. i like her kasi compatible ang attitudes namin :))
• Mikah-- pinakacute sa amin! tsaka isip-bata.. (lol peace!).. masyadong maingay yan pag naglalaro sila ni Hannah :P
• ako?? uhm, pinakapangit ! lol :P
• Analine- sya ang pinakamabait sa amin! , sponsor namin ng paper. (lol) tsaka dream nya maging artista someday :))

L-R: Mikah, Hannah, ako, Aiden

• Hannah-- cute rin yan! mahiyain yan noon, pero ngayon magkatulad  na sila ni mikah na maingay! :P silang dalawa lang ata ni aiden ang ayaw magpapicture! Haha!
• Aiden-- mabait yan! pero mahiyain.. mas gusto nyang mapag-isa minsan.. hindi sya tomboy! may crush rin yan, ayaw lang sabihin! :P lol

Ganito kami. Iba-iba ang katangian, pero matibay ang pagkakaibigan. Hindi man kami kasing popular ng ibang barkada. Hindi man kaming lahat ang honor students. Hindi man kami masyadong pumupunta sa mga malls para mag-enjoy. Pero meron kaming panindigan. at hindi kami katulad ng ibang barkada na naninira ng iba. Hindi kami yung tipong namba-backstab sa kapwa kabarkada. Hindi kami naa-out of place pag magkasama kami.

someone asked me: "if ever meron ka pang chance, babalik ka pa ba sa dati mong barkada?"-- sagot ko? No way! i wont do that! Masaya ako kung san ako ngayon. Contented na ko sa x143. at hindi ko iiwan ang mga taong tumulong sakin in the worst part of my life. Dahil dito ko mas nakilala ang sarili ko. Dito ako mas sumaya. at dito ko natutunan kung ano ang real meaning ng FRIENDSHIP :)))

#personal to.. wala naman sigurong makakabasa diba? Unless kung stalker ka :P Haha..

BARKADA KO :))

x143 kung tawagin namin,
FWENDZTERZ ang original name,
ano man ang pangalan ng aming grupo,
ang friendship sa isa't isa ay never na magbabago.
January 4 namin ito itinatag,
di ko nga akalaing ako'y kanilang matatanggap,
kasi galing ako sa ibang barkada,
na umiba ng landas dahil sa problema.
Oo nagkaroon ako noon ng problema,
at tanging ang x143 lang ang sa akin nakaunawa,
sila ang tumulong sakin nang mga panahong yun,
sila lang ang nanatili saking tabi noon.
kaya laking pasasalamat ko sakanila,
dahil sila ang dahilan bakit pananaw ko sa buhay ay nag-iba,
they brought out the best in me,
at dahil sa kanila mas nakilala ko ang aking sarili.

..wa nako'y masumpay!! Haha :P

:(

PA-FALL KA MASYADO PRE! >:(
KUNG DI MO NAMAN TALAGA AKO MAHAL, WAG KA NG MAGPANGGAP!!
HINDI YUNG PINAASA MO AKO!
ANGSAKIT NA EH! :((
BWISET NA BUHAY TO OH! KAINISSS!!
PANO KUNG MAINLOVE NA KO NANG TULUYAN SAYO??! IIWAN MO LANG AKO BIGLA?? SHEEET 0.o

:(

i feel as if im nothing but shit to you..
i feel as if i can be easily pushed aside..
im just an option while you're my priority.. :(

Jan 18...

As the dawn breaks,
and the clock strikes three,
while my family are still sleeping,
im here alone crying silently.

feeling so depressed,
for the second time in my life,
a boy had broken my heart,
my feelings are merely jealousy and strife.

i thought you love me,
but i guess i've been a fool,
you made me hope for nothing,
how could you be so cruel?

these tears i tried to hide,
'cause nobody might understand,
i tried hard to forget you,
but i just really can't.

Sometimes i question God,
for all the problems i've been through,
i thought you're the one for me,
but you turned into a hoe.

i lie to myself,
just to make it bearable,
why can't you love me?
am i unlovable?

another day had passed,
you're already with someone new,
can we go back to the past?
i want to ask that to you.

but if she makes you happy,
then i'd just let you go,
but the moment that she doesn't,
i'm only here waiting for you.

SHE...

She's just someone ordinary,
not a popular girl in the city,
she always put a smile on her face,
and tries to hide the tears in her own ways.

She feels like nobody loves her,
she never felt someone's care,
she feels very pathetic,
trying to stop the tears whenever she hears people's critics.

People keep on criticizing her,
they never knew what she really feel,
she made herself strong,
to overcome the problems all along.

She shows everyone that she's happy,
even though she really feel empty,
look at her in the eyes,
and you can find the sadness she hides.

...

i was smiling because i dont want them to worry.. i was laughing because i dont want to show that im not happy..
maybe im a great pretender..
you can call me a liar..
but if ever i tell them what i really feel,
would they care??
im just enough of rejections..
i dont want to be ignored..
i just wanna feel that there's someone out there who's still loving me despite of my imperfections..

i love J..... :)

it was the 6th day of June,
i woke up with my alarm tone,
i was excited for the first day of classes,
a new chapter of my life has just started.

as i walk in the corridor,
i saw a guy whose bag is green colored,
i looked at him and he smiled,
it feels like my world stopped for a while.

i can feel the moving wind,
as i continue walking to find my friend,
there i saw her in the quadrangle,
with our  new classmates she mingled.

When the flag ceremony was through,
we went to search for room twenty-two,
there i found the boy i saw,
sitting on a chair in the third row.

How shocked i was!
i can't believe we're in only one class.
i asked him his name,
his voice made me insane. (adik?)

after 3 months or four,
i was able to know him more,
he's cute, kind, and cheerful,
someone i've been wishing for.

i think im already falling inlove,
Oh, my life's been so tough!
im loving a person who can't love me in return,
all i can do is to hope, cry and mourn.

Now we're already in second year,
different sections?! oh dear!
maybe we're not really for each other,
'cause fate wont allow us to be together.

i just saw him with another lady,
his smile is an obvious sign that he's happy,
its making me fall apart,
to see him with her makes me bitter like tart.

inside of me i think i should move on,
and life must keep on going on,
but i just can't understand why,
im still hoping that he'd realize..

He'd realize that he's better with me,
but i think he already fell for that lady,
so i guess i should give up,
and accept that im just not lucky enough when it comes to love..

..

Maybe im just paranoid.. i get too scared to things i shouldn't be scared of.. i get too attached to persons i must avoid.. i love someone i know couldn't love me back.. and i keep on crying when i know i should  be moving on.

But what's wrong with loving? Why can't i have a happy lovestory? Why cant i have a life with only a little problems to worry about??

..This is my life.. full of questions yet unanswered.. full of problems yet unsolved.. :|

-----------

Buh-bye :)) gonna study for the exam tomorrow :))

wla lang.. i just feel so depressed.. :\

..today, i saw him with her.. Know how it feels? it hurts.. Yeah, it hurts, a lot..
..im already tired of loving, tired of hoping, and tired of crying..
..he treats me like im only an object.. i think he thought that i dont have any feelings.. or did he really planned to hurt me this way?
..between the two of us, am i the only one who loves? only one who hurts? only one who cries every night? is this love onesided?
..i cant take it anymore.. There were times that i want to give up.. Deep inside, i know i should move on.. But how? if whenever i see him, the feelings keep on going back..
..im already scared.. what if i'd fall for him too hard?? i dont want to feel broken again!
But just one smile from him, it seems like im ready to cry just to be happy for a while..
..i tried hard to forget him.. i even put my attention to other things just to avoid thinking about him..
..i dont want to fall inlove again.. i already know that feeling and it sucks.. i dont want to look as stupid as i was before in my past..
.. if ever i would fall for him, will he be willing to catch me??.. i guess he wont.. and that hurts the most.. :(

---

Advance happy birthday to my father.. :))

God...

           im thankful that you have given me life, that i have my friends and my family. Im thankful because i am able to go to school, and to eat three times a day. i know that compared to other people, im much more fortunate.

        God, im sorry if i give problems to my parents. Sorry if sometimes i break the trust of other people. Im sorry if im too rude sometimes. im sorry if sometimes i feel discontented with the things that i have.. im sorry God for all the mistakes that i've did these past few days..

       But you know what God, im already tired. tired of the challenges you give me, tired of everything in my life. It feels like i've done nothing good. It feels like im just nothing to everyone. 

i always paint a smile on my face. i always laugh out loud infront of many people.. but how long should i pretend that im happy? how long should i pretend that im okay? that nothing's bothering me? that i dont have any problem?

       im getting too tired, God. You're the only one who knows how it badly hurts me.

God, if these problems are only a test of my faith on you, please give me enough courage and strength to overcome them...

:)

:\ i promise you, as long as you're trying, im staying...

tired of pretending,
these emotions i've been hiding,
i tried to show that i dont care,
tell me, am i being unfair?

i know you've been trying to tell me,
about your feelings that you can't say,
but i dont think its enough,
for me to believe your love.

you know i've been hurt once,
and it felt like im shot by a million guns,
i dont want that to happen again,
i dont want to feel so much pain.

im sorry if im breaking your heart,
but honestly, in my life you're a big part,
i hope you could wait for the right day,
please just keep on trying and i promise i will stay.

:((((((

i told myself not to cry.. that i shouldn't let myself be affected.. But.. The heck! Can't control these emotions I've been hiding..

God! What's wrong with me? Why can't he like me? Does he hate me? Why does he always treat me this way?

Isnt these sufferings enough?! I want to die!! im tired of my life!! :(

Di ko lang maintindihan,
andaming tanong saking isipan,
Mahal mo ba talaga ako?
o ito lamang ay pakitang-tao?

Sabi mo mahal mo ko,
pero sino yang kasama mo?
Oo na aaminin ko,
nagseselos ako ng todo.

Akala ko bestfriend mo lang sya,
yun pala may something na,
Ok lang tanggap ko naman,
kasi sa kanya wala akong laban.

Pero natatandaan mo pa ba?
Sabi mo sakin mahal mo kong talaga,
Eh ako naman tong tanga,
agad-agad naniwala.

Sana di na lang umasa,
ako ay nagkamali lang pala,
kala ko kasi mahal mo ko,
yun pala hindi totoo.

Dapat na siguro akong sumuko,
nang di na masaktan pang lalo,
pero ito ang aking pangako sayo,
mamahalin pa rin kita hangga't kaya ko.

:((

Here i am again,
sitting near my window pane,
just like the falling rain,
my tears fall as he leaves me broken.

What did i do to deserve this pain?
Why am i always in vain?
These questions are turning me insane,
everything's lost, nothing's gained.

All the time i've been asking myself 'why'?
There are times that i want to cry,
tired of these labyrinths in my life,
my life that is full of strife...